Friday, November 28, 2014

Starting Over

I told Angela and Allen and Tom last night that I didn't think I'd have a Christmas tree this year, even though Christmas was by far Judy's favorite holiday.  Or maybe because it was her favorite holiday.  They were having none of it, however, so they came over this afternoon and took me to Wal-Mart, where we braved the Black Friday mob to buy a Christmas tree.  Here's Angela doing a little work on it.  So I guess we'll have Christmas, after all.

27 comments:

dian curtis regan said...

Thinking of you, Bill. Love, dian

Kevin R. Tipple said...

Pretty picture.

I understand why, but they do have the right idea. My Mom basically shut down after my Dad passed and has never recovered at any level despite our best efforts. It has been more than two years now--three years in a couple of months--and she says almost daily her life is over.

It wasn't, but she is doing everything possible--short of actually doing something horrible-- to make it end asap.

I do think going out on Black Friday was a punishment all its own so I suggest you stop all this talk immediately, my friend, or they may be inclined to make you shop more. You don't want that. :))

mybillcrider said...

Judy wouldn't want me to feel that way, Kevin, and I'm going to try my best to be my usual sunny self. It's going to take a while, but I have a goal, at least.

Kevin R. Tipple said...

I figured as much, but since I never got to meet her I didn't want to say so. Seemed a bit presumptive of me.

I don't my Dad would have wanted my Mom to act the way she is either, but pointing that out does not seem to have any effect.

just know we are thinking of you and yours each day and if there is anything we can do--short of waving the non existent magic wand we all so desperately need-- just let us know.

Mary Ann Melton said...

This first year may be the worst, but you are right, Judy would want you to go on and live a happy rest of your life. The first holidays will be hard, but it will get easier. You and Judy made many good memories together - those memories will comfort you. You have many friends who are praying for you. Their prayers will be answered!

Terrie Farley Moran said...

I wish I could tell you it will be easy, but I can't because it won't, but you know Judy will be watching and she will smile with each step forward you take. xoxox Terrie

Prashant C. Trikannad said...

Bill, I hope the spirit of Yuletide helps to heal the pain you and your children are feeling. I remember my dad telling me that should anything happen to him we were not to mourn and get back on our feet right away and enjoy life. Easier said than done.

Ed Gorman said...

my best to be my usual sunny self

That's actually true, Billmondo. You are one hell of a nice guy even if you deny it.

Jan Grape said...

Have you decided on a celebration of Judy's life yet? or a memorial service?
The holidays are hard. Elmer's death was Dec. 29 but he was in the hospital Dec. 24 until then. I went to Karla's the first Christmas, which definitely helped. You just get up, put one foot in front of the other and keep on, keeping on. Love and thoughts and prayers from everyone helps.

Laurie Powers said...

Sometimes going through the motions may seem pointless but it gets you through it. You have good friends that live close by to support you. That is a blessing.

Linda Pendleton said...

Bill, it will be rough for awhile but when those moments grab you, turn your thoughts to all the beautiful memories of her you have in your heart and soul. When Don died suddenly, I knew what he wanted for me: to live life fully and with joy. Peace and love will get you through the rough times, even with the tears. Take care of yourself. (that's a beautiful photo--and I'm sure Judy is smiling--along with thinking you crazy for going out to buy a tree on Black Friday! :-) )

mybillcrider said...

Those of you who have gone through this before know what I'm feeling about now. I'm going to take your good advice and forge ahead. Or, as my friend Wayne Dundee says, "Persevere."

Anonymous said...

Good for them. Your kids have good heads on their shoulders (obviously, with you and Judy as role models) and they did the right thing,

Jeff

Patti L said...

You have wonderful children who braved the shopping crowds for you and with you so that you all could honor something that Judy would have loved for you all to do. Together. I am sending you peace, blessings and love.

Cindy Daniel said...

Oh my gosh - I love that they took you out on Black Friday! Nothing makes you feel better than fighting your way through mobs of women wrestling to their death to save five dollars on an Elsa doll. That experience alone is a special Christmas gift!

Deb said...

I have not been in your shoes, but my guess is that everything you do for a while will feel as if you're on "auto-pilot." I know you'll look back at some point in the future and be very happy that you honored Judy's memory by celebrating her favorite time of year. Take care!

texaswier said...

Stay as busy as you can. Don't give in to the opportunities to cave in on yourself, but don't resist them either, as that only seems to pull them in. Feel what you feel. Take long walks when you can and look at the world around you, and don't think when you do. However, all that's so easy for me to say. It wouldn't be so easy if I ever lost my Sallie.

Dan said...

I thought putting up the tree after Kathy died would be depressing, but I got a surprisingly warm and cheerful feel from it--as if she were watching & approving--hope the same thing happens to you

Anonymous said...

Looks like Blogger still hates me as it seems to have eaten my comment from last night.

Basically, I think your kids are very smart - with you and Judy as parents this is no surprise! - and did the absolutely right thing.
I know that "one day at a time" seems like a cliche but it is the only way.

Jeff

mybillcrider said...

I've rescued them, Jeff.

Charlaine said...

Bill, I haven't been through what you have, but I've had plenty of loss, and my heart is with you.

Kelly Saderholm said...

Right after my Mother-in-law's funeral, all the family decided to go out to a Chinese buffet,(she LOVED having the whole family go out to Chinese Buffet) I thought they were nuts, I just wanted to curl up into a little cocoon of grief- I loved her very much. But it turned out to be a wonderfully healing time. Your children are very wise.

judyalter said...

It's good to have the tree as a loving tribute to Judy. Sit, stare at it, and remember all the good Christmases. You'll have more in time, my friend.

Noreen Ayres said...

That photo of the tree and Angela and THE BOOKS BEHIND the two warms me here in the cold hills of Pennsylvania. That photo is prize worthy. Go shopping again, this time to find the perfect frame.

Lee Goldberg said...

Your children are very wise...and so are you.

Anonymous said...

Your friends gave you some wonderful advice. Do what you feel comfortable with. Bobby and I are sad to hear about Judy. I felt heartbroken even though I didn't know her well. She was so brave going through everything for so long. Your children are precious to take you through Walmart's craziness to get a tree. What a wonderful memorial to Judy. We just wanted you to know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Bobby & Patsy Henry

Lillian Stewart Carl said...

Remember Miles Vorkosigan's motto: Forward Momentum!

We've always loved your usual sunny self, Bill, and hate to see the shine muted. Hang in there, and know that your friends are with you.